What is Swinging or The Lifestyle?
Swinging or as it is more commonly known, "The Lifestyle" has a long history that goes back to Roman orgies; however, for these tips and facts I will assume that what you are interested in, is the Modern Swinger. For most people Swinging is defined as non-monogamous, recreational sex with someone other than their mate, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. It is not a traditional dating experience. It usually occurs between two couples or between a couple and a single female or male. Anyone you know could be a Swinger. Swingers are Welders, Doctors, Accountants, Mothers & Fathers, Sons & Daughters, Teachers & Philosophers. They are Black, White, Asian, Latin, and can be found everywhere in the world. I would bet there are Swingers in your family but you just don’t know it! There is a negative moral stigma attached to being a Swinger so most people keep it private and hidden from friends and loved ones.
The majority of Swingers are successful people and most research has shown that their average income is much higher than the general population. It has also been our personal experience that people in the Lifestyle are highly educated, and generally interesting people to talk to. If you look for a common thread between successful people, interesting people, and Swingers, I believe that you will find that none of these people are "Sheep". Successful people are typically not followers; they forge their own path in life, that same mind set may have made them question monogamy and general societies definition of morality. People have asked me what the number one profession in "The Lifestyle" is, and are surprised to find out it is by far and away teachers, followed by doctors, lawyers, fire fighters police officers, and small business owners.
Though traditionally Swingers just swap partners, it has grown over the past 15 year to be much more encompassing. It includes Voyeurs, Exhibitionists, couples interested in Soft Swap, or Girl-Girl play. It may also include specific Fetishes, or maybe people that just like dressing sexy, flirting. and being in a sexual environment.
"Do you ever get jealous?" Speaking from personal experience I believe most swingers get a little jealous. They may look at their wife with another man and think "What in the hell is she doing with that guy?... Wait, this is pretty hot! Man, he is REALLY into her. Damn, I am a lucky Guy!" As a big gear head I always use car analogies. (My wife hates when I do this!) Let's say you have a Boss 302 Mustang in your garage that you didn’t drive very often. It’s a great car, you know that a Boss 302 is bad ass! However, you have been looking at it for 10 years, and you start not to appreciate it as much as the day you bought it. Then your buddy comes over and says, "Hey Todd, let me take the Boss for a spin", and you let him. When he first pulls out of the drive way, you check out your car and think. “Damn, I am a lucky guy, that car looks GREAT!”; then you friend hits the gas and he is off…After a few minutes you are thinking, “Man I hope he comes back soon. I really love that car!” After a while he pulls back in the drive way. He is a friend, so he took great care of the car, you know that, but still, it's your car, and your glad to have it back! After he leaves, you think, I am going to take it out myself for a while and take it out for a spin. After you put it away, every time you peek out at the garage, you realize how lucky you are that you have a Boss 302 because most of your friends just have Hondas! I mean there is nothing wrong with an Accord, but it's no Boss 302! Now ladies you may be reading this thinking "What in the hell is Todd talking about, I am no God Damn car!", but trust me guys are thinking yeah.. Boss 302.. mmm.. Letting my buddy drive it, Yeah I get it! A little jealousy is a good thing! It keeps the relationship fresh and exciting! If you are your partner are very jealous people; however, The Lifestyle probably is not for you.
What if she (he) likes that guy (girl) better than me?
To me this is simple. If your partner has sex with someone and then wants to leave you for that person, you did not have a very good relationship in the first place. I want my partner to have a great sexual experience with another person, or else why do it in the first place? If my wife came to me and said " I met (insert name) and had great sex with him, and I love him and I do not want to be with you any more". I would be sad, I may even shed a tear, but in the end, I believe I deserve to be with someone that loves me the most and wants to be with me, so I would let her go. Knowing that I want someone that loves me more than anyone else, makes me not worry about her being with another man. People leaving their significant other for someone in The Lifestyle is a rare occurrence.
Is it Dangerous?
Of course it is more dangerous to swing than not swing. In life you have to figure out what degree of risk you are willing to live with. It is more dangerous to ride a motorcycle than drive a car. It is more dangerous to leave your house than stay inside. If you wrapped yourself in bubble wrap and never left your house you may never be injured, but what in the hell kind of life would that be? At LoveVoodoo we STRONGLY encourage the use of safe sex and regular testing. I feel that, if I practice safe sex the risks are low. I want to ride my Motorcycle and have sex with other peoples wives, these are risks that I can live with! The risk; however, may be too great for other people, and they may choose not to participate in The Lifestyle, and that is fine also.
Are there privacy concerns?
Absolutely, I wish I could tell you that there are no privacy concerns but the truth is that there are. They can be minimized, if you are conscious of what you do. First let me make this statement as the owner of one of the most secure web sites on the Internet. If you put information, photo, statement, etc. on the internet other people will have access to it…period. Social Networking sites like Facebook have become a big problem, and reason for concern. People invite friends, family and business colleagues to view their Facebook profile, and sure enough some jerk posts on your wall "Great to see you last night at Trapeze (swingers club). Man you have a great ass, and can sure give a blow job!" Guess who else saw this? You mom, kids, boss… Leave Facebook for friends and family, if you want to meet swingers join a swingers site. We hope you choose LoveVoodoo but there are also other good sites out there. Do your due diligence, and join a site that has been around for a while and is secure. We try very hard to protect peoples photos and other information on LoveVoodoo. Our database is encrypted, we use a third party credit card processor, we disable right click for photos etc. However if you put your photo out there, it is out there. NO web site can 100% protect your photos. If you are concerned about your photo slipping out, we strongly suggest you "password protect" them on whatever site you use. You can also use programs like Photoshop to manipulate the photo before you post it to obscure parts of the photos that can be recognizable.
Will Swinging help problems in our marriage?
YES it will! If you are having a bad marriage, and you want to end it, Swinging will certainly speed up the process! Seriously, if you are having marital issues, the last thing you need to do is get involved in The Lifestyle. Without trust and a solid relationship, The Lifestyle is not for you.
How do I meet other Swingers?
This is the easiest one! Join LoveVoodoo! We highly recommend that you join LoveVoodoo, Swingers Underground or another adult Social Networking Site. Not only can you meet people, but you can find people that are interested in the same things that you are interested in. It also takes out the awkward moment of trying to figure out what the other couple is interested in when you meet them in person. You can work all that out ahead of time. There are also lists of private parties, swingers group vacations, lifestyle club events, etc. There are Swingers clubs locators and other features that will help you find your way through The Lifestyle.
We also strongly suggest that you attend a Lifestyle club event or Meet & Greet. Though most Meet & Greets have more newbie's, Lifestyle clubs have experienced couples that are typically glad to give you advice and show you around. Both of these are great choices and are very low pressure environments. You will be amazed that there is more inappropriate behavior and pressure at the corner bar, than a real Lifestyle club. We would recommend staying away from house parties at first, because there is a much higher expectation of sex at these types of events. Lifestyle friendly resorts like Hedonism II or Desire are also great place to meet like-minded people. These resorts can be as mild or as wild as you want them to be. For more information on these resorts go to LoveVoodooTravel.com (I know, I am plugging our travel business, but honestly, we have the best trips!)
Visit our Swingers Dictionary Page at http://swingersdictionary.lovevoodoo.com
What is the general Etiquette?
A number of years ago I wrote " Todd's Single Male Guide To The Lifestyle" Though I wrote it for Single Men, in general the same things apply to couples and single women. I will post it below.
Warning: If you are easily offended, please do not read
We are known for “keeping it real” on LoveVoodoo.com. So I am going to give you single guys the real scoop! No beating around the bush, and I am NOT going to attempt to NOT hurt anyone’s feelings. I am just going to lay it out there for you. If you are a single guy in the lifestyle, and you are not getting any action, you are doing something wrong! I was a single guy in the Lifestyle, I am average looking at best, and my calendar was always full! We get emails all the time from single men like “ LoveVoodoo is not single male friendly, I am leaving”. So I check out the profile, and there is a picture of an overweight guy, sitting at his computer, with a little dick, a big mess of hair jerking off, with a stupid look on his face! Yeah…… I am sure it is LoveVoodoo’s fault that this guy is not getting any action. That being said, some of you guys with a little help can have a lot of fun. So here it goes!
1. If you are 60 years old and you think you are going to pick up a 25 year old hot girl on a Lifestyle site, unless you drive a Ferrari, have a big ass boat, and a house in South Beach, do not even bother reading on. Either keep you profile to look at pictures, or cancel it and move on. I cannot help you.
2. If you are overweight and out of shape, the chances of getting a hot girl are VERY slim. Either lower your standards or go the gym and eat more salad. I am not trying to be mean; I have packed on a few extra pounds the last few years myself, but this is a fact. There are some great looking guys out there that work out every day and have great bodies. Why would a girl want to have sex with you rather than them? You say you are a nice guy with a charming personality? That’s nice, but that is why they have husband’s and. boyfriends. They want get fucked well. That’s it. You certainly would not enter the Daytona 500 in a Caravan. If you do you will look like an ass, and not finish the race. What then? Hey this race track sucks! All of these fast cars keep winning! I am leaving!
3. Let me guess…. you want to meet a nice single girl. Well it is possible, I actually met Elena in the Lifestyle, but it is HIGHLY unlikely. If that is what you are looking for, I suggest you join a regular dating site, find the wildest girl you can, then get her into the Lifestyle!
4. Shave your balls! Stop Laughing… Really.. .Shave your junk! 1. It makes your dick look bigger 2. It is just plain rude not to! Go ahead, do it now….
5. Dick pics. There is nothing I hate worse than getting up every morning to approve a hundred dick pics. Come on guys! It is just ridiculous. No one wants to see that. People just think you are a great big perv when those types of pictures. Are there exceptions? Yes. If you have a huge dick, I mean huge. Over 9. Then by all means post a few cock shots. I am sure you will get some action. But if you are an average guy, keep it in your pants until it's time to use it! I am sure you have heard women say “size does not matter” Were they just being polite? Yes they were. Size does matter, and guys with big dicks get more women. That is the truth.
6. Profile Photos. Put some photos of you having a good time with friends. Maybe taking part in some sort of sport, traveling, etc. Maybe a pic with a hot girl. Other women will think “mm if he is good enough for her, he is good enough for me!” Not a porn star at AVN, just a regular hot girl. For God sake no photos of you sitting in front of your computer staring into the camera like a dolt! Those are the worst.
7. Dress nice guys. Better to over dress than under dress. A nice pair of slacks, and a nice shirt, or a cool pair of jeans and a modern shirt will do fine. No Dockers and polo shirts, women will think you are boring and that you have not been out in the last 20 years. No ratty jeans or T-shirts, if I have to explain why this is a bad Idea you are a lost cause. No tweed coats with patches on the sleeves! Seriously, go out spend a few hundred bucks. You have to look nice; there is a lot of competition out there.
8. No stupid screen names about how good you are orally. Please do not mention how big your tongue is in your profile. You think “man the ladies are going to love this!! They love getting the oral, they are going to be HOT HOT HOT when they read this!” No dude, they are not going to be hot hot hot, they are going to think. ‘mmm, he talks about oral so much, I bet he has a small dick” You know why they will think that? Because they are probably right. No point in drawing attention to it.
9. Never ever get drunk. 1. You act like an ass. 2. Your shit will not work….. Enough said.
10. Smoking in my opinion is a bad idea. I know for Elena is a deal breaker. Some people may not mind, however no one is going to say “I would love to have sex with that guy, if he only smoked!” Play it safe, and don’t smoke. On top of that it gives you bad breath, and baked bean teeth, but this is only my opinion mind you.
11. If you see a couple with a hot girl, always, I mean always approached the guy first and introduce yourself. Compliment his wife to him, and then introduce yourself to her. This is the toughest part. If you act like you are getting his permission, she may be offended. She may thing “who does he think he is? If he wants to talk to me he should talk to me!” Then again, if you ignore him he may shut you down before you get started. I would hang back, observe the situation then tread lightly. This first contact is critical.
12. If things are going well don’t be shy. Ask her to dance, touch her, go for a kiss if you can get it. Elena calls this “respectfully aggressive” If you touch her in front of her guy, he will know that you are up front and not trying to do anything behind his back. I would then compliment him again “you are a lucky guy”, “man she can dance” etc.
13. Never ever approach a girl as soon as her guy walks away. This is a big NO. If it happens by accident, as soon as the guy comes back, be sure to shake his hand and introduce yourself.
14. If a girl approaches you, first thing I would ask is “Who are you hear with” If she is there with someone, ask her to introduce you. You can score big points doing this! If she is alone, you have just found the mythical Unicorn, it is your lucky night!
15. Never tell anyone who you party with.. There is a stigma attached to partying with single men and most couples want to keep it on the down low. If you are good, girls will tell each other. The word will get around. They will also know that you can keep your mouth shut. This is key to your success.
16. Participate in blogs and chats on LoveVoodoo (or other sites) Talk about something interesting, but not controversial. No Religion or Politics.
17. If you go to a club, don’t just stand there like a fool. Dance, talk to people, have fun! If you just stand there and do nothing, nothing will happen, I promise you!
18. Don’t talk about how much money you make. It would not hurt to let people know you are successful but don’t be cocky about it. Maybe the couple is poor and the husband has a job making 35k a year. Then you come rolling in, talking about how you just blew 35k playing craps in Vegas. You may make the husband feel bad, so he will not want to party, or he may feel threatened.
19. Don’t talk to the husband too much. Anyone that knows me, know I like to talk! A couple of times I have approached a couple hoping to hook up with the girl. I will find out the I have a lot in common with the husband, we will get to talking about cars, or politics, before I know it the wife is out dancing with someone else!
20. Once again please shave your sack,
21. No gold chains.
22. Save the dirty talk for the bed room. It is a turn on to some women, and a turn off to others. Why take a chance?
23. If you observe a couple, and there seems to be some tension. Stay away. Nothing good could come out to approaching them. Now if he gets pissed and leaves her at the club alone, well that’s another story!
24. No means no. If you get the green light, by all means go for it. But if a couple seems disinterested, tell them it was nice meeting them and move on. No point of wasting your time with two hundred other couples and singles to talk to. Not pressuring them may event open the door to something in the future. It is hard to kick a reputation for being pushy.
25. If you send an email on the site, be sure you read the couples profile. See if you have something in common with them. “Hey nice pussy” probably will not go over to well!
26. This is one that I should take to heart myself! Check the spelling and punctuation on your profile. I am the worst speller known to man! Some people may read your profile and think you are ignorant if you cannot spell. It is worth putting in the extra time.
27. Finally, if you cannot get laid in a vanilla bar, you cannot get laid in a swingers club. Most of the time a vanilla club is an easier place for a single guy to get some. Swingers club are about having a unique experience, not easy pussy. If that what you are looking for, you just don’t get it, and no list is going to help you
Guys these are just a few tips, I am sure there are hundreds more. If you invest some time in getting a good reputation in the Lifestyle, the word will spread and you will have tons of fun. If you want a quickie, you are in the wrong place.
If you are a couple and have a good relationship and are looking to spice it up and explore your sexual boundaries, The Lifestyle may just be for you. What do you have to lose. Join LoveVoodoo, check out your local Swingers Club, go to Hedonism and enjoy. If you do not like it, or are uncomfortable, just don’t do it again! I goof around a lot on these FAQ's because, though you need the information The Lifestyle is meant to be FUN, but I hope you got the information you need to make the decision, if it is something that you would like to pursue. If you have any additional questions please feel free to email us at Info@lovevoodoo.com and either myself, or my wife Elena would be glad to answer them for you.